Sunday, December 11, 2011
In this god-forsaken blog that nobody reads, i shall rant away endlessly
This feeling that has afflicted me during the week has probably made me felt worst during my entire life. Not given a direction to follow results in becoming a bird that has lost its sight and leads to senseless flailing in the darkness. The turmoil that continues to ravage has at least died down, but it is still ever-present, continuing to haunt me.
Yet again, the idiom "It takes two hands to clap" rings true. It doesn't matter that i finally convinced myself that i can surely give my all and commit into this relationship, but it probably took too long for me to actually decide on diving in. Now, our relationship has probably become so estranged that from good friends, we have devolved to strangers, or at best acquaintances. Delaying was probably a backfiring step, since i thought giving her more space to do what she wants would be best such that when it was all over she would be ready to have a relationship as well. Oh, the foolishness that encompasses my entire being.
Even if it seems nigh impossible now, I shall believe in that minute chance, the chance where I bump into her outside and try again. Even if I don't succeed, it would still be much better than this uncertain hell, where I am forced to make assumptions about certain actions and overanalysing certain things. The only thing I'm most afraid of is for my life to play out that we might actually have had mutual affection for each other, and due to my lack of balls we end up drifting away, which would cause people to facepalm if they were watching our lives as a movie.
I will believe, like how Shana believes in Yuji, like how Sanae prays for miracles, and like how Leta pulled off a miraculous TvT against Flash. I will.
Maybe when i grow older and look back at this post, i would laugh, saying how innocent i was back then. But for now, i would stand by this and confirm that I would still love you.
is it me
Aaron
NanHuarian Clarinetist
Dotaer
things you left